#1 Apocalypse & Betrayal
Me: I had a terrible neo-apocolyptic dream. You were a gang leader and Eddie was your man. Christian got a girlfriend and forgot I was ever his friend and Tristan reunited with Kelsey and forgot me forever. I went into an outhouse and wept as bombs rained down and zombies attacked. Apocalypse in every sense of the word.
HB: 1. The guys don't care for me so that could never happen. 2. Eddie will never be my man. 3. When was the last time you saw an outhouse?
Me: I was simply telling you my dream. So an outhouse is absolutely impossible but a tempest of bombs coinciding with an onslaught of zombies seems completely plausible? Your logic is astounding.
#2 FAIL.
Me: I still want to hang myself but I can't even afford fucking rope. I am in a sad, sad place.
HB: Extension cords work wonders. If you choose to do so, please delete this convo first.
#3.
Me: Hahaha Eddie told me he thought you were slow haha
HB: Me? Fucking slow! I may be stubborn, but I am not slow!! How many times does Eddie not understand what people try to get through to him? Its not even the pot calling the kettle black! Its more like the pot calling the banana black! Stupid mother fucker! I've been nothing but nice to him. I even overlooked it when he told me to grab his ass! And that is not normal!!
#4.
HB: This bitch just totally walked out of target with her shorts unbuttoned and
no shoes on.
Me: Was it Britney Spears?
#5.
Me: Plus I haven't gotten my period yet. I'm late. I was suppose to get it on Wednesday
HB: Look who's preggo now!!
Me: Yeah but I'm having an immaculate conception. That shit trumps your one night bastards.